Sex is the Icing…


The more I learn about and dabble in the current singles scene, the more I have come to this conclusion. God meant sex to be the icing on the cake. Sex is a beautiful gift. It was His design and He did not design it to be accompanied with shame, regret, or remorse. If it is, we’re not doing it right! Plain and simple.

Sex IN marriage is designed to bond committed spouses, enhance intimacy, release stress, make up after disagreements, and many other wonderful and constructive things. When it’s had outside of marriage, the physical pleasure alone doesn’t fulfill the rest of what sex is intended to do. It may feel good physically, but it hurts our hearts because the mental, emotional, and spiritual components are lacking. So….the fulfillment isn’t what God intended it to be. We are left with more questions than warm and fuzzy feelings. Sex should be the ultimate commitment between two people. It’s designed to affect our hearts and if it doesn’t affect our hearts anymore, there is a bigger problem going on.

I’m also blatantly aware that this opinion is not shared by the majority of people these days, especially now. I know from personal experience how much sex can bond you to someone regardless of how they treat you outside the bedroom. I think that for women, we tend to put up with a lot more from a man we are sleeping with than men that we are not. Outside of marriage, we confuse sex for love. We think they love us when we have sex even when their actions speak completely differently at other times. Be careful ladies!! I don’t just write this for myself. I’m writing for my daughters, my nieces, and my other single friends. I want us all to know that when God asks us to wait, it’s not to deprive us of a good thing…it’s to prepare us for His BETTER thing in it’s most fulfilling form, completely free of shame. Just as He intended it to be.

I’m also not writing in judgement, I’m as guilty as anyone and still struggle. I haven’t always had this conviction. This is new to me since my divorce, probably as a byproduct of having daughters to think about and my stronger relationship with Jesus. Now, I trust His love for me enough to know that He only asks me to do or not do things for my best interest. Dating is much harder with this conviction. My biggest fear in writing and sharing this entry, is that it will deny me the icing forever! But, I feel like it’s a topic that God has asked me to share. So I will. Perfect love casts out all fear and He is with me regardless of the consequences. I’m trusting Him with all that I have and am….

We all want the total package and that includes sex. But….if we have it before the cake is fully baked and cooled, we risk not enjoying it to it’s fullest potential. Or worse, staying in a relationship we aren’t supposed to stay in and committing to a counterfeit. When sex enters a relationship, all other aspects seem to cease growing and it becomes the main focus. If you break up, the heartbreak and regret lasts longer and if you do marry, the other aspects of the relationship may be lacking.

How do you know if you are mentally, spiritually, and emotionally compatible based on physical compatibility alone? How will you know if he’s in it just for the physical benefits if you don’t gather enough information on the other stuff first? Commitment is so much more than physical pleasure. How do you two mesh the rest of the time? Now, THAT is the question. And that question is very difficult to assess when sex is involved.

He who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 14:22

Women, we are the treasure. If we are giving ourselves away to every guy we date, what’s in it for our husbands? What makes marriage important? What motivates a man to get down on his knee and ask for our hand in marriage if he’s already getting what he’ll get from us married? What honors God? The world wants us to think…who cares? It’s just a physical act. We were told to “wait till marriage” growing up mostly to avoid STDs and unplanned pregnancies. While those are both good reasons to refrain, birth control and condoms don’t protect our hearts. God wants us to respect His gift of sex and marriage. Wouldn’t it be an awesome feeling to know that your future spouse is already thinking about you enough to wait for you? That goes both ways.

Moral of my story today is when a new relationship comes along, take the time to really get to know each other (gather ingredients), if it proceeds and you decide to be exclusive (mix the ingredients), enjoy each other and pray for direction (bake the cake), if it proceeds and you get engaged (let the cake cool), and if you get all the way to the altar….ice that cake and enjoy!! God wants you to 🙂 If you don’t make it to the altar, at least you tried and you’ll have much less to regret. Prayerfully moving on….



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