What Have You Gained?

When we lose something, it hurts. Transition is hard. And, change is never easy. But, when we look again or look back, we can see what we’ve gained.

I suffered great loss with my divorce. Looking back now, I can see what I’ve gained after it. A closer relationship with Jesus and mounds of wisdom from the pain. I got to move back to my hometown and live close to family. My girls also get to attend church school. Neither of these would have been possible if we’d stayed married. I not only get to attend the church of my childhood, but also serve as a women’s ministry leader there. I also gained this blog as a source of healing, sharing, and connecting. Such an honor and privilege. All precious gains from a devastating loss.

Fast forward five years. This spring I lost a relationship that I thought was “the one”. He was recommended by friends, we knew many of the same people, similar church backgrounds, said he was looking for someone just like me. It ended, when that changed. Another heart wrenching, confusing loss.

Since then, what have I gained? Home renovations, a new job, a new puppy, a new sense of me and what I need in a relationship, a renewed set of standards, a whole new appreciation for a loving, honest, caring, consistent, family-focused, attentive man. Yet another opportunity to be with this type of man. A sense of pride for trying and a sense of humility for sharing. All gains from another bewildering loss.

Last night, my daughters started a conversation with me about how much they both wish I had a boyfriend/husband. They want this for me, even after all we’ve been through. They have both been open and accepting of each one of my relationships. By God’s grace, never rude or unwelcoming. Rather, hopeful.

My oldest daughter told me she just wants me to be honest with her. I confided in her that I don’t open up to her as much as she’d probably like because I want to protect her. I explained that I don’t want to get her hopes up or down anymore. Still, she insisted, just as I would with her in the same situation. So, last night we had a good honest talk. She agrees wholeheartedly with what I’m looking for and why it hasn’t worked out yet. She understands so much more than I give her credit for. She asked me to be honest with her, just like I’d want her to be with me in her dating years….I consider that conversation a huge gain and a blessing after multiple losses.

Dating in front of kids is HARD, but, I’m learning it can also be a tremendous learning tool. They know I have standards, the same standards I’d want for them. When the time is right, I’ll find the courage to choose love. But, I’ll need them met first. In the meantime, I will focus on my gains, opportunities, and adventures.

With GOD there is always a gain in the loss. It might be finding strength you didn’t know you had, it might be new friends, it might be more money, it might be more time, it might be more help, but it will always be more of Him. He wants to fill every void in our lives. With Him, we can trust that each loss still has His goodness written all over it.

The next time you lose something or someone, ask yourself “But, what have I gained?” Oh, how He loves…


4 thoughts on “What Have You Gained?

  1. June 30, 2017

    You know years ago I paralleled with you. I suppose due to having girls via section along the same time and such. So I watched. And then I hurt for you, for your girl’s. Because I was in their role as a child – with divorced parents. Anyway I’ve always had God, grew up with him from a distance, but still a constant. He’s been in and on the edge of my life always. I try to land somewhere between I believe, I trust, I’ll share if you’d like and a little behind the let me beat you over the head with my bible sort of person! As I read your post, they are real – real as a woman, real as a momma, real as a survivor – and I just love them! Nine times out of ten they are ‘me’ in a similar situation, as ‘we’ (your followers) read them we can relate to the situation or experience. Not because our lives are a mirror of yours, but just because it’s real life you write about and we’re all living some portion of the same. Thank you! Thank you for sharing and doing it so elegantly. Thank you for respecting yourself and setting such standards for your girls – showing it is achievable, not just a wish. You’re an inspiration!

    Lisa Priddy, Arlington Surgery Office Coordinator
    Ph 817-461-8327, Fx 817-275-2525

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow, thank you Lisa! Your words mean so much to me and they encourage me to keep sharing. What a blessing to know I’m touching others in a positive way through my experiences, the good, bad, and painful. Only GOD, no other way. I’d love to hear your story….Hugging you from here ❤


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