Tag: dating

Dating?!?!

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beauty from ashes

I’ve never been a good dater. And, I’ve never been interested in “playing the field”. My “dating” past before marriage consisted of about 4 long term boyfriends. I must be more of a relationship person than a dater because dating does not come naturally to me whatsoever.

Nonetheless, it’s been three years since my divorce and  I do have the desire to remarry one day, so dating has to happen, right? Once again, God tells me to trust that He is working and that He will teach me along the way.

One thing I’ve learned through my dating experiences is that I’d rather hear crickets than be with the wrong guy after what I’ve been through. Maybe one day I’ll expound on this story, but in short, I’ll just add that I never knew the extent of what human beings are capable of until I went through my divorce and started dating again. It has literally pried my eyes open. Which was shocking, scary, and painful, but God knew I needed to know.

Dating is tough personally for multiple reasons. I’m a mom and I work full time, therefore I have limited free time. I want to be an example to my girls. I want to protect my girls. I want to honor God. I want to grow together in a healthy way. I don’t want to get hurt…..who does?  I don’t want to hurt others. I also don’t want to settle for anything less than real love. The counterfeit comes off pretty perfect at times. And, I have been fooled before, hook, line and sinker.

Because of all this, I pray for discernment and God’s will every single day. I ask Him to expose and remove the deceptions and distractions. I ask Him to cover me in His grace and wisdom and help me to enjoy the process, which is so difficult for me. I ask Him to help me!

Another thing I’ve learned is that the perfect man for us will not be perfect, and I can’t expect him to be because I’m not. He’ll have flaws, struggles, and baggage just like I do. But, we will be able to share these struggles with each other because……he’ll be a communicator.

We’ll connect. He’ll be a listener. He’ll make me laugh and smile. He’ll be strong enough to handle my sadness and fear when it flares up because…..he’ll be my friend.

He’ll love me in spite of my insecurities and my past. He’ll hold me just because he wants to. He’ll encourage my passions and love my love for Jesus. He won’t push me, he’ll relax me. He won’t rush me, but walk alongside me. He’ll know that love is sacrificial. He’ll pursue me. He’ll understand me and appreciate my personal weirdness.

He’ll pray for me. He’ll be proud of me and my story. He’ll love the Lord and want to follow Him all the days of his life. He’ll love us so gently and consistently that trust and peace will follow.

This may sound like a lot of pressure to put on a man, but I yearn to do the same things for him. To love him well and to love him anyway.

Blending two people and two families isn’t easy and I don’t expect it to be. But, I also believe that with the right partner, it can be beneficial and beautiful. And that’s what God specializes in: Beauty from ashes.

Pearls of Wisdom

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pearls 2

Is there anything more valuable than God’s wisdom in our life? We search for it like the treasure that it is. We crave it. We just want to know what He wants us to do in any given situation. Ultimately, His wisdom comes with a sense of assurance and confirmation. If the conflict in our heart does not cease, we are not there yet. The answer hasn’t arrived.

For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Proverbs 2:10-11

What our hearts really desire is contentment, fulfillment, and peace. Peace with God leads to peace with ourselves. His wisdom brings peace, even when it’s the hard thing to do. If our hearts just don’t feel right about something, the Holy Spirit is speaking to us. Heed that feeling. Take note and seek wisdom. Remember, that His peace is a gift and a fruit of the Spirit that He loves to give us. We should cherish this gift as His children. Life won’t always be easy. But, if we don’t have peace, God is trying to tell us something. Listen….

I was in a relationship where everything seemed right on paper, but my heart was troubled. I couldn’t figure out why this guy who I assumed must be “the one” because he seemed to have everything on my list, just didn’t lead to peace. I tried to adjust and make changes to help ease the discomfort, but I still had turmoil in my heart. I thought maybe it was me, maybe I just wasn’t used to being really loved and that’s what he was doing. So, I gave it more time. I remained honest with him about my struggles and lack of peace. He reinforced my possible reasons like maybe it was because I was a naturally anxious person, this was new, and I was scared because of my past. He said he was willing to be patient with me and wait until I felt safe enough to fall in love. It wasn’t happening. So, I continued to plead with God to either take the discomfort away or reveal why on earth I had it.

I woke up at 4:30 one morning with very clear answers on exactly why I needed to end it. With clarity and conviction, I wrote the reasons down so I could recite them clearly when I called to let him know. In the aftermath, I saw so many confirmations of what God had revealed. His wisdom and me ending the relationship led to peace. It was hard, but the peace was worth it. God had answered and I obeyed. When we actively pursue His will, He is faithful to reveal it. Peace follows…

Turns out love is more than a “list”. Breakups are never easy, but if there is a lack of peace and comfort, they are necessary and wise. Whether it’s a career move, a friendship issue, a difficult family member, or a romantic relationship question, God has wisdom to share. He is very much active and aware of our concerns. He wants to help. Let’s let Him. Sometimes, His answer is to stay quiet, sometimes it’s to speak up, sometimes it’s to wait. But, when He answers, the best thing we can do is respond quickly. The way the chips fall are on His shoulders, not ours. Thank God we can trust Him with the outcome. This gives us peace. The outcome is His baby and we are His. Rest in that fact.

When we pray first and then follow our instincts, we can trust that the Holy Spirit is active. God is in control and He will never let us down. Pearls of wisdom will help us personally and help us help others in the process. God longs to reveal wisdom to those who seek it. It may be a struggle, but the pearls are worth it. Peace is the prize for pearls.

 

WHOSE are you?

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remember

Whose are you? These words have been bouncing around in my brain for awhile. I think we all go through stages in life where we wonder who we are and who we want to be. A milestone birthday, a new job, divorce, new baby, or any life changing event may provoke these questions. We have the option to be whomever we want to be, but whose are we? When the question of “who am I?” pops into my mind, I can feel God asking me “whose are you?” in reply.

Life is ever changing and we are continually evolving to our environment whether we realize it or not. Our circumstances will continue to change throughout this life. So…who are you? Who do you want to be? What now? What’s working for you? What’s not?

I think all these questions are simplified when we ask ourselves first and foremost “Whose am I”? When we know who we belong to and are truly loved by, the answers will come. It’s an identity issue.

Those who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. As His children, we will receive all that He has for us. We will share what Christ receives. But we must share in His sufferings if we want to share in His glory. Romans 8:14,17 (NIRV)

So, WHOSE are you? WHOSE do you want to be? Whose do you want your children to be? Who do you want them to follow, to respect, to obey, to run to for comfort, to answer to, to listen to? What if something happens to you? Make no mistake, they will go to someone or something for comfort, approval, and acceptance (just like we do). All these answers come easier when we know and remember WHOSE we are, not just who we are.

I didn’t know this growing up. I was raised in a Christian home and went to church schools from elementary through college, but I didn’t have the security of knowing WHOSE I was. I lived to please people, and still struggle with it today. When I remember whose I am, that fear and struggle is put back into perspective and I thank God for that. Living to please people is a self defeating battle. Living to please God is much less burdensome, because I can rest in the fact that I am His daughter and nothing can separate me from His love. Nothing. This makes me want to please Him more. This turns the vicious cycle of trying to please people, failing, and trying again into a refreshing and rewarding cycle of pleasing my Savior.

I saw a quote recently by Dr. Mike Murdock that says “Submission is not ownership, submission is permission to protect.” God does not and will not force Himself on us. He doesn’t need us, He wants us and He wants to protect us…..so He waits. Like the prodigal son’s father, He runs to us when we return to Him, even with our tails between our legs. He desires us. That is mind blowing to me.

I think Murdock’s quote is also beneficial for women because Godly submission is such a tough concept for us to grasp. What is healthy submission? We are called to submit to a man while he is called to protect. The God-given responsibility and calling goes both ways. If a man expects his woman to submit without doing his part to protect her physically, spiritually, and emotionally, she won’t trust him enough to. Another vicious cycle ensues.

We need to know who our husband or potential mate is submitting to before we feel comfortable submitting ourselves. Whose are we and whose are they? Women want to be protected. Men want to protect. It’s the way God created us. If we know our man has our best interest at heart, submission shouldn’t be an issue. It’s a beautiful thing…a Godly design.

Hello, my name is Darla. I’m not perfect and never have been. But, I am honored and relieved to say I am a child of God, daughter of the Most High. It’s nice to meet you. 🙂 So, WHOSE are you?

What’s it all about?

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This is a blog about the love we crave. It’s about the love between mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, and wives. We all crave it. What happens when we fall short? What about when they fall short? My prayer is that this blog will help us all learn how to love each other better, how to stand up for ourselves in a healthy way, and how to let God love on us as never before.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)