Tag: God

Forgiveness Is For Us.

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I’m a peacemaker at heart. I always “feel” better when everyone is getting along. I’ve been told, even as a child, that I’d go to the kid who was feeling left out. And that I was the first to welcome new ones at school, church, and so on. It’s in my nature to seek out, attempt to bond, and to forgive.

The message at church today was exactly what I needed to hear personally regarding forgiveness. I’ve always heard forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves. I’ve also heard it has nothing to do with the other person, especially if they haven’t even apologized. Where I struggled was that in my mind, if I’d done the hard part of forgiving and the relationship didn’t improve or change immediately afterward, I was left thinking I hadn’t done it “right” or that something was missing on my part. Like, I still hadn’t done enough.

Today, we heard a speaker at church explain this in a way I needed to hear. To help me understand. She explained how forgiving her multiple abusers as a young girl didn’t mean the abuse would stop. She still needed to remove herself and be protected by others. Forgiveness freed her, but reconciliation wasn’t on her shoulders. Reconciliation could only come with an acknowledgement of wrongdoing, genuine repentance from the offender, and measures taken to rebuild trust over time on her terms.

To this day, not one of her abusers has actually apologized to her. But still, she has forgiven. By doing so, she clips the roots of bitterness each time they attempt to take root by forgiving… again. Seventy times seven.

She knows she didn’t deserve it. She knows the people who said it was her fault or “no big deal” needed forgiveness just as much as her abusers did. She knew, even at a young age, that it was not okay. And, she knows now as an adult, that her forgiveness doesn’t mean it all of a sudden is. It’s still not OK. But, forgiven in her heart. So, her heart can remain pure and a vessel for our Father’s Grace. Forgiving them as Christ has forgiven her. We all fall short. They may hide their faces from her like we hide our faces from God when we’ve sinned against Him. Like Adam and Eve did in the garden. But her heart and face glow in the light of Jesus’s love and forgiveness, even for them.

There are some situations where forgiveness and reconciliation can happen. That’s beautiful and that’s biblical. There are other situations where forgiveness can happen, but reconciliation does not. That is also biblical. The other person may not even think they need forgiveness. The other person may have justified their actions entirely in their mind, leaving the offended feeling at fault for even being offended in the first place. This is not a place where reconciliation is healthy. But forgiveness always is. That’s between you and God. Freeing you to love anyway, from wherever you need to.

Most of the offenses done to us are far less traumatic than sexual abuse, but here this woman was expressing how His Grace allowed healing even there. Little by little, small(er) things add up and take root. A root of bitterness, unforgiveness, anger, resentment, turning our hearts to stone. This leads to stubbornness, a lack of empathy, and a connection with God and others. Not only does it affect the offended, but it can also be passed on through generations. Through forgiveness, Jesus offers us a heart of flesh all over again. Just as He designed it. The abundant and loved life…even though and anyway.

What the Lord opened my heart and mind to today was that just because a relationship doesn’t improve or change after I decide to forgive, it doesn’t mean I haven’t opened my heart to forgiveness enough. Jesus covers. That person’s heart hasn’t necessarily changed or softened just because mine has. That’s between them and God. When both hearts can be changed and softened, reconciliation is possible. With no accountability, reconciliation is not.

Forgiveness is for us. Reconciliation is available if both parties are willing to put in the necessary effort to make it happen. And, if not, it doesn’t mean the forgiver hasn’t forgiven “enough”. There is no shame or condemnation for those in Jesus Christ, only redemption. A new thing has come; let it.

How Can it Be?

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I feel compelled to compare the stories of Mary, an unwed virgin girl, without the past she knew necessary to conceive with the woman at the well who had a past she felt was unredeemable. Both found favor with God. Both were amazed at what God saw in them and trusted them with. Both left wondering “How can it be”? He blessed them both with His presence in a way that no other man could.

When Mary was visited by the angel and told that she would conceive the Son of God, her response was “But how can this happen? I am a virgin.” (Luke 1:34 NLT) He picked her because it was inconceivable any other way. She knew the questions that would come. She knew this was impossible any other way, and still, she conceded with “May everything you’ve told me come true”. Basically, Your will be done.

When Jesus visited the woman at the well, He came with truth, grace, and salvation. Even in her shame. Even with her past of being with “too many men” and looked down upon by the people around her, He found favor in her and wanted her to know it.

Even His disciples were confused that He engaged with her.  Just then his disciples came back. They were shocked to find him talking to a woman, but none of them had the nerve to ask, “What do you want with her?” or “Why are you talking to her?” (John 4:27 NLT) Yet, He did. And He left her elated and excited that He knew her story…all of it.

The woman said, “I know the Messiah is coming—the one who is called Christ. When he comes, he will explain everything to us.” Then Jesus told her, “I am the Messiah!” (John 4:25-26 NLT) Black and white, face to face, He shared with her. A woman with a past and currently living with a man who was not her husband. This is the Grace and Truth that changes us.

The Bible doesn’t say, but I bet she went home and changed. I bet she reflected on who she had encountered that day and was inspired to “Go and to sin no more”. Not because she was condemned by Him, but because she was convicted by Who He was and who she was to Him. That’s true conviction. I bet she changed because of His mercy and strength.

Mary’s physical body and story changed because she found favor with the Lord. The woman at the well’s heart and life changed because Jesus shared His truth alongside hers. Not to shame, but to prove that we know we can’t be completely loved without being fully known.

Whether you are a person without the past you think necessary to be used by God (like Mary) or a person with the past that you think has ruined your life, Jesus sees, knows, and loves you to the cross and to change. With or without your past, not only can it be, but it is done.

Amen!

Accountability?

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accountability

Who are you accountable to? A few people pop into my mind…my boss, my kids and when I was married, my husband. Do you ever think about the fact that we are all accountable to God? At the end of time, we will be face to face with Him. Not these other people who we try to live and do right for. What about Him? Ultimately, it comes down to Him and me.

This fact actually helps me with forgiveness when I struggle. We will be held accountable by God Himself for our actions and reactions. How we live and what we do is seen whether we choose to think about it or not.

Confession isn’t for God, it’s for us. Newsflash! He already knows. He’s God. And, He loves us anyway. Just get real with Him. Be real with your weakness, ask forgiveness, make amends, and move on….loved.

Knowing we are loved leads to a desire to obey. It rarely works the other way around. “Why should I do what you want me to do? And , if I do, it’s only because you’re forcing me”. We want to please those who truly love us as a way to honor them. We want to show our love, not just say it. We all know anyone can say “I love you”, the truth comes in the actions that follow and/or precede this term.

Love is sacrifice. Love is patient and kind. Love perseveres and honors truth. Love never fails. We don’t have to be loved in return to love. We can choose to love anyway through our thoughts and prayers and let them be, if necessary.

As we go through our days and make our choices, remember who we are ultimately accountable to. I could trust a man who knows he’s accountable to Almighty God, not just me. If he is aware and seeking to honor God in his own life daily, I could trust him with mine. Neither one of us would be perfect, but we would both know that our actions towards each other are accountable to God and that would keep us on the same page. That’s a blessing and that’s being equally yoked. Once again, God knows best.

One of my dear friends gave me a book yesterday and on the inside cover she wrote a beautiful note. She signed with “Your accountability partner”. She didn’t know I was writing about accountability. She didn’t know I desired an accountability partner. But, God did. Her gift and love has been a blessing to me. I’m thankful for friends who lean on and look to God for accountability in their lives. They can help me with mine.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. –Proverbs 27:17

Let us continue to help each other, love each other, and look to God for our accountability. He knows best and loves us the most.