Married 7 times?!

commitment

I had a patient this morning who struggled to get on the bed for her test and said “try not to get old dear, it hurts.” I actually hear that from a lot of my patients and I try to remind them that it sure beats the alternative. Sadly, some of them still say, “well, I’m not so sure.” I told her “I’m so sorry it hurts, take your time”.  She replied with “that’s life honey, it just hurts”. Then she started to tell me about her life and how she should have “taken better care of herself”.

She explained that she dove headfirst into all the drinking, drugs, and sex she could get a hold of. She even shared with me that she had been married SEVEN times! That just blew me away. I incorrectly assumed that she had been left seven times and started to try to console her. She quickly and honestly corrected me by saying she’s the one who always left. Wow! She affirmed that all of her husbands had been good men with the exception of one. I asked her why she left and she told me she just “got bored”. This was such an eye opening conversation for me since it was coming from a woman.

She says she didn’t become a Christian until she was in her 40s. But, even then she still left husbands. She reminded me that the Christian journey is just that, a journey. Change and wisdom don’t come overnight. I guess they could if God so chooses, but typically it takes time, alot of grace, experiences, and failures to learn how much God loves us and how He wants us to love others. She is a strong Christian woman now. She loves God with all her heart and confided in me that the main reason she left all her husbands was because she didn’t know that love meant commitment. She thought love was based solely on feelings and once they faded, she got bored and just left. She says she knows now that love is a choice and a commitment that you make in spite of feelings.

I wanted to share her testimony because it really spoke to my heart. She shared with me that her pastor has asked her to speak on marriage and she told him she could only speak on what NOT to do. That’s valuable too and I think she should! We need to hear what not to do as much as what to do. Her parting words of advice to me were when you are married and look over at your spouse and wonder “what the heck am I doing with this person?” or have an argument (which you will). Don’t leave! Work through it, make the choice to love and STAY. Pray and get the help necessary, but stay. Sidenote: you can’t MAKE someone stay who doesn’t want to be there and you shouldn’t stay if there is any form of abuse or unrepentant infidelity. I’m aware that every troubled marriage has different variables going on.

She reminded me to never get married on feelings alone because although our feelings change every day, the commitment to love shouldn’t. If you get married on feelings alone, you may very well leave when those feelings fade. They will ebb and flow, but the commitment should stand firm. The only reason she kept getting married over and over was because she “felt” like it was right……seven times. And she is single today. Feelings are fickle and lust fades. But, true love grows.

She reminded me that only God’s love can satisfy. She reminded me that we can bless others even after we fail over and over. She reminded me that God can and will use us to reach and teach others no matter what has happened in our pasts or who we “were”. She reminded me that pointing others towards Jesus is the single most loving act you can perform in ANY relationship (including marriage) because His love is the ONLY love guaranteed not to up and leave by choice or death. Even the blessed couples that make it till death do they part, will still part, unless Jesus returns first.

She regrets the string of broken hearts she left behind in her brokenness. Today, she blessed and inspired mine and we are both grateful for that. God is a God of restoration. I asked her if I could share her story and she said she would be honored. May God bless her abundantly for sharing with me.

 

 

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5 thoughts on “Married 7 times?!

  1. well said – young and old she hear this – so much wisdom she has learned by her mistakes -hope others will listen to her good advise

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  2. So true. We want a love that not only satisfies, but sustains. And the only way to truly receive that type of love is to have each spouse commit to love God first. Even then, it is a challenge because we are sinners saved by grace. In this effort, we must humbly go together before God with our weaknesses and give them to Him in prayer….a focused dependency upon the Lord. You are right, love is a choice rather than a feeling. It is an “I DO” despite the circumstance.

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  3. What a read! I had to stop and recall if I had ever been a patient in your care, because it sounded like you were reciting my life story! I can so relate to this precious woman’s journey. I, too, have lived such a life. A life I spent searching for someone, ANYONE, to just love me, regardless of all the hurt, pain and abuse I had to go through in an effort to find it. I was a broken mess looking for love to sustain me. Looking for someone that could mend, repair and spackle all the crevices, holes and cracks of my broken loveless life. I’ve endured multiple divorces and the death of a spouse (married 6 times and divorced 4 times) all in the name of “love” (this journey began at the ripe old age of 16). None of which were men of God or lived their life for Him. It wasn’t until I turned 40 that I finally listened to what God had been telling and showing me all my life. Only HE could, can and will love me like I desire to be loved! Only He can satisfy my every need! He showed me that by my placing this need that only He can fill upon another person, I am setting up that person, and the relationship, for immediate disappointment and ultimate failure. He showed me that through Him, and only Him, would I ever be satisfied and sustained. Yes, love is a choice. Love is a commitment. But more importantly, love is saying yes to God before saying yes to anyone else. Love is allowing yourself to listen to God and follow His path and not deciding you can go it alone on your own path. Love is a choice – Love is God and God is love.

    It’s impossible to know what someone has gone through, or is going through, in their life. The ability to share our stories with another without fear of judgment or condemnation only comes from God. I am grateful that I reached that place in my life where I can share with people without this fear of judgment, as I finally, finally, FINALLY have grasped the fact that ONLY God is my Judge, and those that do judge will have to take that up with Him. It sounds like this precious woman has reached that point in her life, as well. Just look at the blessing because of it!

    I didn’t intend to be so long winded in this reply to your great post! 🙂 I just wanted to let you know, God works in amazing ways in people’s lives (I’m living proof!) and I am thankful for you and His crossing our paths in this life!
    God bless you and keep up the God work!!
    Deanna

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    1. Wow…thank you SO much for sharing Deanna! I love how He gives us the courage to share. It does truly come from Him. If it weren’t for His strength, I wouldn’t be able to share anything I write, much less learned from. He is a God of redemption! Love you sister!! ❤

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