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Accountability?

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accountability

Who are you accountable to? A few people pop into my mind…my boss, my kids and when I was married, my husband. Do you ever think about the fact that we are all accountable to God? At the end of time, we will be face to face with Him. Not these other people who we try to live and do right for. What about Him? Ultimately, it comes down to Him and me.

This fact actually helps me with forgiveness when I struggle. We will be held accountable by God Himself for our actions and reactions. How we live and what we do is seen whether we choose to think about it or not.

Confession isn’t for God, it’s for us. Newsflash! He already knows. He’s God. And, He loves us anyway. Just get real with Him. Be real with your weakness, ask forgiveness, make amends, and move on….loved.

Knowing we are loved leads to a desire to obey. It rarely works the other way around. “Why should I do what you want me to do? And , if I do, it’s only because you’re forcing me”. We want to please those who truly love us as a way to honor them. We want to show our love, not just say it. We all know anyone can say “I love you”, the truth comes in the actions that follow and/or precede this term.

Love is sacrifice. Love is patient and kind. Love perseveres and honors truth. Love never fails. We don’t have to be loved in return to love. We can choose to love anyway through our thoughts and prayers and let them be, if necessary.

As we go through our days and make our choices, remember who we are ultimately accountable to. I could trust a man who knows he’s accountable to Almighty God, not just me. If he is aware and seeking to honor God in his own life daily, I could trust him with mine. Neither one of us would be perfect, but we would both know that our actions towards each other are accountable to God and that would keep us on the same page. That’s a blessing and that’s being equally yoked. Once again, God knows best.

One of my dear friends gave me a book yesterday and on the inside cover she wrote a beautiful note. She signed with “Your accountability partner”. She didn’t know I was writing about accountability. She didn’t know I desired an accountability partner. But, God did. Her gift and love has been a blessing to me. I’m thankful for friends who lean on and look to God for accountability in their lives. They can help me with mine.

As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend. –Proverbs 27:17

Let us continue to help each other, love each other, and look to God for our accountability. He knows best and loves us the most.

It’s Your Choice…

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choice

Our lives consist of choices…what do we want NOW vrs. what do we want MOST?

Whether it’s that third cupcake, a quick cure for loneliness, or a distraction from boredom, it’s usually a matter of flesh vrs. Spirit. At least, it is for me. Our bodies craves what our flesh wants and we want it now. It takes divine patience and discipline to choose what we want most over what we want now. Following our flesh feels good in moment, but how we feel after is the true test. Satisfaction may be felt in the short term, but if regret and sorrow follow our choices, they were made in the flesh. Choices made in the Spirit may be difficult to make in the moment, but lead to joy and peace afterwards.  The peace that passes all understanding.

Indulgence can be a wonderful thing at times, but not when it’s followed with a load of regret. We all know how that feels…and it usually makes whatever we indulged in not worth it.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it. Isaiah 30:21

It takes supernatural self control to deny our selfish desires and walk in God’s direction. Yet, He has promised to supply that strength. It’s our choice whether we seek His opinion, submit, and/or obey. These are OUR choices alone. God won’t force Himself or His ways on us. There’s no place I’d rather be personally than smack dab in the middle of God’s will. Choices made in light of eternity will always be worth it in the long term. Our long terms are eternal. Our lives here are merely a flash in the pan compared to where we are headed.

Our choices don’t only affect us. They affect our children, our friends, our families, and next generations. If our choices have that much impact, aren’t they worth some prayerful consideration?

Please, Lord, help me listen to Your voice and make choices accordingly. Help me make choices that fit snuggly in Your will. Choices that lead to peace and joy rather than regret and sorrow. Choices that inspire others to live for You. Choices that reflect a loving example to my daughters. Choices that portray my worth in You. Choices that prove I am thankful to be chosen.

Before the creation of the world, He chose us through Christ to be holy and perfect in His presence. Because of His love he had already decided to adopt us through Jesus Christ. He freely chose to do this so that the kindness he had given us in His dear Son would be praised and given glory. Ephesians 1:4-6

His choice was us.

 

 

Value of Friendship

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friendship

I was asked to speak at a women’s event at church last night by my friend, Sheila. I thought I’d share on my blog as well. Good friends are priceless.

I’m honored to speak about friendships…Especially, friendships among women. What a treasure they are. I absolutely love it when women choose to relate rather than compete. It inspires and refreshes me. I have a true passion for women’s hearts and it burdens me to witness criticism and competition among women. We tend to instinctively compete and compare when it comes to motherhood, appearance, finances, careers, even passions. Just life. It’s exhausting. Personally, I think this desire to compete is driven by a deep desire to know we are loved and reminded that we are lovely. The fact of the matter remains that we are all in this together. Woman to woman. Friend to friend.

We have the power to choose whether we will help each other or hurt each other. Whether we will encourage or criticize. Whether we will uplift or press down. It saddens me to see how often the latter is chosen. Let’s do what we can to change that.

We have a very real enemy and he wants us to step on each other to get ahead, to be seen, to be heard. We have a Savior who wants us to help each other through this hard life. His way is seeing, relating, empathizing, listening to, praying for, and speaking the truth to in love. These are the ways we can truly help each other through our struggles. Clearly, it’s our choice as to whose way we pick when it comes to treating each other. We can step on each other or we can love each other.

In John 16:33, Jesus says In this world you WILL have trouble. But, take heart! I have overcome the world.

There are no ifs, ands, or buts; we WILL have troubles in this life. Being a true friend will not only make a positive difference in the lives of our friends, but also in our own. God designed relationships this way. Being a friend is being the hands and feet of Jesus to a fellow daughter of God. We all have value. I know this, because we are all valuable to Him. He died for each one of us. His death proves just how much we are worth to Him. Therefore, we should love each other. Relating instead of competing is one of the very BEST ways we can show Christ’s love to each other as women.

We are born into this world hungry for love. I know I was.

I speak from the experience of a daughter who craved her daddy’s approval more than anything else. I still crave his approval, I’m 37.

I speak from the experience of a child of divorce and all the difficulties associated with it. I was in the 8th grade and everything changed. It’s still hard today.

I speak from the experience of a girl who was in her twenties and still hungry for love. I met someone who said he loved me and I believed him. Looking back, he tolerated me. I thought it was enough. I didn’t know any different. So, I fell in love, got married, had 2 daughters and it didn’t work out. Nothing I could do would make it work out or get any better. I felt abandoned, alone, unlovable and hungrier for love than ever….and that’s when Jesus touched me. Literally. His presence enveloped me in my weakest, saddest, darkest moment. I’ve been pursuing His presence ever since.

I speak from the experience of a working mom, a single mom, a devoted mom, a tired mom. A mom that wants to raise my daughters the very best I can. A mom who wants to live by example so badly and pour the love of Jesus into them daily so that they never feel unlovable like I did. A mom who feels like I fall short all too often. A mom thankful for God’s grace…..everyday.

I can only speak for myself, but I’ll bet some of you can relate.

I grew up feeling like more of a burden than a blessing. God made me feel special. The enemy did his best to make me feel unlovable and unwanted. But, the healing touch of Jesus and the consistent loving hearts of my friends have saved me, more than once, and they continue to….Praise God!

I still have a deep desire to be married and to have the complete family unit, just as God desires and blesses. My friends know this and they want the best for me, just like Jesus does. They remind me of my value when the loneliness and despair sets in. And, they do. My friends remind me that I’m a daughter of the Most High King and He is protecting me while WE wait for a Godly man who views me the same way.

My friends remind me of how much I am loved, past, present, and future when I forget. They inspire me and they lift me up. They value me and that feels wonderful. Looking back I can see where certain people were placed in my life like pawns to encourage and pray for me and my girls. I am forever grateful. And it makes me want to be a true friend to them in return and others in desperate need….as I was.

We make friends during different seasons in our lives….elementary school, high school, college, neighbors, co-workers, church, friends with young children, friends with high school kids, even empty nester friends. Different friends come with different seasons in our lives. Some turn into lifers and some flow in and out of our lives as we go our separate ways. That’s all normal. That’s just life.

One of my deepest desires for my daughters is that they make and keep friendships that point them to Jesus. That in each season of their lives, God will place pawns that point directly to Him. That they will desire these friendships and keep them close to their hearts. That they will be the kind of friend who loves, relates, comforts, and reminds others of Jesus. Let’s all be those kinds of friends…

I have been blessed to make these kinds of friends. If there’s one thing we do when we’re together it’s relate. We talk dating, marriage, motherhood, work/life balance, seeking a deeper personal relationship with God, finding a few spare moments of quiet time, lack of sleep, health issues, mood issues, whatever the struggle…we relate and love each other through it. These women are some of my truest treasures. My personal prayer warriors. They inspire me, cheer me on, pick me up, and love me just as I am. Who does that sound like? It sounds like Jesus to me. He loves us exactly as we are, and too much to leave us there. He carries us.

Proverbs 18:24 in a few different versions –

The Message – Friends come and go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.

NIV – One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

NLT – There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.

These verses are powerful. Friends are family that we get to choose.

To have and be a friend that sticks, loves, accepts, prays, and perseveres is nothing short of a gift from God. Cherish your girlfriends. Our best friends know how busy we are. They don’t demand our time. They make an effort to be in our lives, but they also cut us slack when it’s needed. Because…they KNOW how busy we are. Our best friends know this because they relate. And like a warm cup of hot chocolate in front of the fire place on a cold and drizzly day, their friendships comfort us. We know they love us.

Can we humble ourselves and relate to each other? Can we hug and listen to another tired mom? Can we text a random Bible verse to someone that comes to mind? Can we pray for each other? Can we vent? Can we laugh our worries away? Can we just relate? I’d rather relate with you than compete with you any day…I’m already tired. Let’s just love each other instead. Because, that’s what friends do.

Once again, I’d like to thank Sheila for planning this event and asking me to speak and share “whatever is on my heart”. I started writing in a blog last year. I love to write and I have shared quite a bit of my heart in it, but I’ve never spoken publicly before.

Sheila knows my heart, she is a true friend. We met a couple years ago, right after I moved back to Burleson after my divorce. We both wanted to start a Women’s Bible Study group here at the Burleson church. Our pastor said we both called to inquire about starting a Beth Moore study one day apart. He told us we should meet and do it together. We met at Starbucks and the rest is history. God is good. I know He brought us together. She has become one of my dearest friends.

I look around this room and I see precious women with precious hearts. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about women on my journey, it’s that regardless of our relationship status, we are all hungry for love. We can’t expect that hunger to be filled by our moms, dads, husbands, kids, or even our best friends. They can all contribute, and they should. But, God is our only source of unfailing perfect love. Our friends and families may have or will let us down. We aren’t perfect and we shouldn’t expect them to be either. Only God is perfect. Let’s keep pointing each other to Him, after all that’s the most loving thing we can do for each other.

Treading Water…

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tread

Do you ever feel like you’re treading water spiritually?

Our Rescuer picks us up out of the depths, we gasp, take a big deep breath of fresh air, and start to breathe. It’s a beautiful and life changing thing…

We PRAISE Him for the rescue. We devote ourselves all over again. We pray more consistently than before. We cherish His presence in our lives. Now, we can actually feel ourselves start to sink if our prayer time fades. Prayer has become our lifeline.

So we are praying consistently, going to church, seeking Him and His will for our lives, loving others, learning to love ourselves as He does, and summoning His strength to share. Treading. Our arms and legs start to tire. We start looking around for somewhere to rest. Our ship to come in. And, we may start to wonder…..what next? What now? I have. I think it’s part of our journey.

When a week goes by and I feel like I’m treading water, I make a conscious effort to remind myself that at least I’m not drowning anymore! I can breathe and my eyes have been opened, Praise God! My weaknesses have been revealed and my mind renewed. I know where to go for true strength. I know where to turn for truth. I don’t fear truth, I cherish it. I’d so much rather receive truth than be deceived one more day.

Then, out of the blue, a raft appears. Jesus says, “not only did I rescue you, I gave you a raft. You don’t have to tread. Rest.” Oh, thank goodness, I need it! And I lie on my raft and I rest. He doesn’t just rescue us from the depths of despair, pain, and deception. He offers a true rest in Him.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

Sometimes the routine of our lives and the constant waiting for the next big thing feels like treading water. Still, I’d rather tread than drown. I’d rather rest than tread. I’d rather breathe easily than gasp.

It’s a life long journey and each one of us are on our own. Not alone, but on our own personal journeys between our personal rescuer and ourselves.

Today, enjoy your raft and take a rest with Jesus. 

WHOSE are you?

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remember

Whose are you? These words have been bouncing around in my brain for awhile. I think we all go through stages in life where we wonder who we are and who we want to be. A milestone birthday, a new job, divorce, new baby, or any life changing event may provoke these questions. We have the option to be whomever we want to be, but whose are we? When the question of “who am I?” pops into my mind, I can feel God asking me “whose are you?” in reply.

Life is ever changing and we are continually evolving to our environment whether we realize it or not. Our circumstances will continue to change throughout this life. So…who are you? Who do you want to be? What now? What’s working for you? What’s not?

I think all these questions are simplified when we ask ourselves first and foremost “Whose am I”? When we know who we belong to and are truly loved by, the answers will come. It’s an identity issue.

Those who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. As His children, we will receive all that He has for us. We will share what Christ receives. But we must share in His sufferings if we want to share in His glory. Romans 8:14,17 (NIRV)

So, WHOSE are you? WHOSE do you want to be? Whose do you want your children to be? Who do you want them to follow, to respect, to obey, to run to for comfort, to answer to, to listen to? What if something happens to you? Make no mistake, they will go to someone or something for comfort, approval, and acceptance (just like we do). All these answers come easier when we know and remember WHOSE we are, not just who we are.

I didn’t know this growing up. I was raised in a Christian home and went to church schools from elementary through college, but I didn’t have the security of knowing WHOSE I was. I lived to please people, and still struggle with it today. When I remember whose I am, that fear and struggle is put back into perspective and I thank God for that. Living to please people is a self defeating battle. Living to please God is much less burdensome, because I can rest in the fact that I am His daughter and nothing can separate me from His love. Nothing. This makes me want to please Him more. This turns the vicious cycle of trying to please people, failing, and trying again into a refreshing and rewarding cycle of pleasing my Savior.

I saw a quote recently by Dr. Mike Murdock that says “Submission is not ownership, submission is permission to protect.” God does not and will not force Himself on us. He doesn’t need us, He wants us and He wants to protect us…..so He waits. Like the prodigal son’s father, He runs to us when we return to Him, even with our tails between our legs. He desires us. That is mind blowing to me.

I think Murdock’s quote is also beneficial for women because Godly submission is such a tough concept for us to grasp. What is healthy submission? We are called to submit to a man while he is called to protect. The God-given responsibility and calling goes both ways. If a man expects his woman to submit without doing his part to protect her physically, spiritually, and emotionally, she won’t trust him enough to. Another vicious cycle ensues.

We need to know who our husband or potential mate is submitting to before we feel comfortable submitting ourselves. Whose are we and whose are they? Women want to be protected. Men want to protect. It’s the way God created us. If we know our man has our best interest at heart, submission shouldn’t be an issue. It’s a beautiful thing…a Godly design.

Hello, my name is Darla. I’m not perfect and never have been. But, I am honored and relieved to say I am a child of God, daughter of the Most High. It’s nice to meet you. 🙂 So, WHOSE are you?

Out With the Old…

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out with the old

…..and in with the new.

The new year is fast approaching and it always feels like a fresh slate. I’m so grateful for what I’ve learned this past year. Each experience and leap of faith has strengthened me and reined in my focus. The holidays this year were tough for me. Just emotional. I cried tears of joy, sadness, and sentiment….all true.

There is truth in tears.

I came to the conclusion that the heaping dose of emotion was because Christmas highlights families. When our families are broken in any way and most of ours are either by death, divorce, or estrangement, the feelings associated with the brokenness are also highlighted. God’s design was for us all to be together in peace, harmony, and love. When this isn’t the case, our souls understandably grieve.

The more we love, the more we grieve the loss of love. I found myself leaning on the Everlasting Arms more than ever and asking for a real-life squeeze. I also found myself relishing in my blessings more than I had before. Getting emotional over my girls getting older and their Christmas lists changing…

I found myself in tears over the birth of Jesus and wondering what more I could give to Him and others because of His gift to us. I know He’s been with me every day whether I’ve felt Him or not. In the hard stuff, He is still there. Protecting me. All this I know in my brain. At certain times, like the holidays, our hearts are harder to convince. In His mercy, He knows that. He’s still there.

I’ve spoken to several friends who were also struggling or know someone who is during this season. The compassion and stories we shared, felt like a special gift. Coming together, relating, listening, and welcoming honesty is so healing. Having a safe place to share our feelings is priceless. Because we all have them. Our feelings make us human. Our actions show our strength.

Take your feelings to God first. Get them out and be honest with Him. I’m so thankful that He welcomes our neediness. He craves it. Needing Him is how He created us. He longs to comfort and fulfill us. This is also His design. Then, cherish the friends you can share and be honest with. Cherish the ones who love you on your worst days. Cherish the friends who pray for you, cry with you, send you scriptures, and point you to Jesus. They truly love you and want to spend eternity with you.

We can’t fix each other’s biggest problems, but we can point each other to the One who can and will one day.

Regardless of our relationship status, we all have a God-shaped hole in our hearts that only He can fill.

OUT with the old ways of trying to fill it, mask it, cover it, or deny it. And IN with the only way to live and love in this broken world….and that is with the love and strength of Jesus. Living in His strength all things ARE possible. Family members can reunite, siblings can bury the hatchet, new families can form, and healing can take place. A fresh slate is a beautiful thing and heaven is on the horizon.

In with the new…

What More Can I Give?

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give

I was thinking today about how Jesus is the reason for the Christmas season, and so much more. God gave us the most lavish gift of sacrifice and salvation when He gave us His son. Jesus willingly became human in our broken world so that we could live with Him forever in His perfect one. He set the bar. Now, that’s a gift!! What more can I give?

When we buy for our loved ones, we try to think about what they would like personally. Some prefer experiences, others food, some sparkly things in little boxes, dolls that walk or talk, or trucks that dump and demolish. My girls asked for Legos and walkie-talkies this year. Bingo! Makes it easy to shop when there’s a list.

But, what can I give Jesus? Does He have a Christmas list? If so, what would be on it? Let’s not forget to give to the true Reason for the Season. I think near the top of Jesus’s Christmas list would be our TRUST, our TIME, and to TELL others about Him and what He’s done for us. Trust, time, tell. These are treasures in all of our relationships. It takes faith to trust, dedication to spend time, and courage to tell others. It’s no different in our personal relationship with Jesus. He doesn’t need us, He wants us. He chose us. He died for us. So, what more can I give?

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21

God’s gift of His Son was the greatest gift we have ever or will ever receive. The ultimate treasure. What are we holding on to? That is our treasure. What are we holding back? That is our treasure and that is what He wants. Our hearts are naturally stubborn and scared. But, God’s presence in our lives will transform our hearts. He loves us right where we are and too much to leave us there. His presence will prompt us to follow Him and fight our fears rather than succumb to them.

Trust. Time. Tell. Treasure……My heart. What more can I give you, Jesus? Thank You for the best gift ever. You.

Mary’s Perspective

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mary

I was thinking about Mary’s personal journey today. As a young woman engaged to be married, she was visited by an angel who tells her that she has found favor in God’s eyes. Because of this favor, He has chosen her to carry and deliver His son. She had questions…how can this be possible? I’ve never even been with a man! What will my fiancé think? Will my family believe me? Why would God pick me? Do all these questions really mean I’m favored….or in trouble? She only asked Gabriel one question…how can this happen? I am a virgin. Luke 1:34. His response was The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the baby to be born will be holy, and he will be called the Son of God. Luke 1:35

Once she accepted her divine yet incomprehensible assignment, God went to work on all the rest of her concerns. He sent an angel to inform, soften, and strengthen Joseph’s heart. And, he accepted his assignment too. People talked. Mary and Joseph both knew they probably always would.

People’s questions and accusations didn’t deter either of them. I read that one reason Joseph may have taken his extremely pregnant wife with him on the treacherous journey to Bethlehem was to protect her from a possible stoning because of the infidelity she was accused of. Joseph was the supportive and God fearing man that Mary needed him to be. Both of their reputations were at stake. Still, he protected her. He covered her. Just as God told him to. It took radical obedience from them both and that’s exactly why they were chosen. God knew they had it in them. I’m sure, at times, they questioned that as well. God didn’t.

Do you ever think about the humans involved in the nativity story? The living breathing human beings that allowed themselves to be ridiculed, judged, misunderstood, and turned away?? The King of Kings and Lord of Lords was born in a stable surrounded by animals. It didn’t matter where He was born. His delivery would deliver His people regardless. God, Mary, Joseph, Elizabeth, the angels, and the wise men all knew that. Soon, the world would know. But now, imagine with me the people in this story that allowed their lives to be truly turned upside down for His Glory alone.

As a mother myself, I imagine Mary rocking her new baby to sleep and wondering “why God, why me?” I’m sure most mothers can relate to this feeling. but this story takes it to a whole new level. How could You entrust Him (Your Son) to my care? As the song goes…”Mary did you know, that your baby boy has come to make you new? This child that you’ve delivered , will soon deliver you.” Our kids have a way of doing that…..they readjust our priorities, they drive us to our knees, they change us. Their innocence is enough to make us crave ours again. Their curiosity arouses ours. Their answers teach us new insights. We never think we are ready, yet God entrusts us with more than we can comprehend.

It comforts me to know that questions are normal, they make and keep us human. God’s favor is not dependent on perfection, only willingness. His overwhelming love imparts obedience. If Mary hadn’t trusted God’s love for her and desired to please Him more than anyone else, the angel’s message would have sounded like a nightmare. Why would I do that, Lord? Why on earth would You put me through that? Instead her response was I am the Lord’s servant. May everything you have said about me come true. Luke 1:38

It was for His Glory, not hers. She found favor in His eyes. The rest, as they say, is history…..

Sex is the Icing…

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icing

The more I learn about and dabble in the current singles scene, the more I have come to this conclusion. God meant sex to be the icing on the cake. Sex is a beautiful gift. It was His design and He did not design it to be accompanied with shame, regret, or remorse. If it is, we’re not doing it right! Plain and simple.

Sex IN marriage is designed to bond committed spouses, enhance intimacy, release stress, make up after disagreements, and many other wonderful and constructive things. When it’s had outside of marriage, the physical pleasure alone doesn’t fulfill the rest of what sex is intended to do. It may feel good physically, but it hurts our hearts because the mental, emotional, and spiritual components are lacking. So….the fulfillment isn’t what God intended it to be. We are left with more questions than warm and fuzzy feelings. Sex should be the ultimate commitment between two people. It’s designed to affect our hearts and if it doesn’t affect our hearts anymore, there is a bigger problem going on.

I’m also blatantly aware that this opinion is not shared by the majority of people these days, especially now. I know from personal experience how much sex can bond you to someone regardless of how they treat you outside the bedroom. I think that for women, we tend to put up with a lot more from a man we are sleeping with than men that we are not. Outside of marriage, we confuse sex for love. We think they love us when we have sex even when their actions speak completely differently at other times. Be careful ladies!! I don’t just write this for myself. I’m writing for my daughters, my nieces, and my other single friends. I want us all to know that when God asks us to wait, it’s not to deprive us of a good thing…it’s to prepare us for His BETTER thing in it’s most fulfilling form, completely free of shame. Just as He intended it to be.

I’m also not writing in judgement, I’m as guilty as anyone and still struggle. I haven’t always had this conviction. This is new to me since my divorce, probably as a byproduct of having daughters to think about and my stronger relationship with Jesus. Now, I trust His love for me enough to know that He only asks me to do or not do things for my best interest. Dating is much harder with this conviction. My biggest fear in writing and sharing this entry, is that it will deny me the icing forever! But, I feel like it’s a topic that God has asked me to share. So I will. Perfect love casts out all fear and He is with me regardless of the consequences. I’m trusting Him with all that I have and am….

We all want the total package and that includes sex. But….if we have it before the cake is fully baked and cooled, we risk not enjoying it to it’s fullest potential. Or worse, staying in a relationship we aren’t supposed to stay in and committing to a counterfeit. When sex enters a relationship, all other aspects seem to cease growing and it becomes the main focus. If you break up, the heartbreak and regret lasts longer and if you do marry, the other aspects of the relationship may be lacking.

How do you know if you are mentally, spiritually, and emotionally compatible based on physical compatibility alone? How will you know if he’s in it just for the physical benefits if you don’t gather enough information on the other stuff first? Commitment is so much more than physical pleasure. How do you two mesh the rest of the time? Now, THAT is the question. And that question is very difficult to assess when sex is involved.

He who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. Proverbs 14:22

Women, we are the treasure. If we are giving ourselves away to every guy we date, what’s in it for our husbands? What makes marriage important? What motivates a man to get down on his knee and ask for our hand in marriage if he’s already getting what he’ll get from us married? What honors God? The world wants us to think…who cares? It’s just a physical act. We were told to “wait till marriage” growing up mostly to avoid STDs and unplanned pregnancies. While those are both good reasons to refrain, birth control and condoms don’t protect our hearts. God wants us to respect His gift of sex and marriage. Wouldn’t it be an awesome feeling to know that your future spouse is already thinking about you enough to wait for you? That goes both ways.

Moral of my story today is when a new relationship comes along, take the time to really get to know each other (gather ingredients), if it proceeds and you decide to be exclusive (mix the ingredients), enjoy each other and pray for direction (bake the cake), if it proceeds and you get engaged (let the cake cool), and if you get all the way to the altar….ice that cake and enjoy!! God wants you to 🙂 If you don’t make it to the altar, at least you tried and you’ll have much less to regret. Prayerfully moving on….

 

 

Forgiveness….

Published on by The Love We Crave2 Comments

forgive

Forgiveness has weighed heavy on my mind the past couple days…The reason God asks us to forgive isn’t to excuse the hurtful acts done to us, it is to free us from them. It’s to put what was done to us back in His hands in order to move forward with our lives without the burden of constant bitterness and resentment. I think some people get so used to carrying the bitterness, they don’t even realize they carry it. It’s a painful poison.

“Forgiveness doesn’t make what the person did right, it just makes your heart right.” — Beth Moore

I wouldn’t have understood this quote until I had a doozy to forgive. The weight we carry by harboring unforgiveness can affect generations. It can also promote a cycle of bitterness, anger, and resentment that God does not intend for us to carry much less pass on. In my own situation, I couldn’t prevent the cycle of divorce no matter how hard I tried. But now, I want to do everything in God’s power to prevent bitterness, resentment,  and consistent conflict in our situation. This doesn’t excuse the behavior or erase the pain. It changes me. It humbles me over and over again as I seek His way to handle daily situations. Extending mercy and grace while handing over the need for revenge is one of the hardest things God asks us to do. But, just like everything else He asks us to do, it’s in our best interest. He is a loving and just God.

Forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation either. It depends on the relationship and the two involved. It comforts me to trust that God knows exactly what happened. He knows the hearts involved and He will deal with it. Forgiveness takes faith because we have to believe God in order to take this giant leap. Forgiveness is not “letting them off the hook”, it’s letting ourselves off the hook to go in peace by leaving the offense in God’s hands.

If there is someone you feel like you need to forgive on a daily basis and you can’t seem to avoid like a mean spirited coworker or a critical family member or spouse, pray for them and ask God how to respond to them. In these situations, I tend to get back in the doormat position by turning the other cheek over and over. God’s will is that we love others, but not that we forget to love ourselves as His children in the process. We all deserve respect. These people may be the sandpaper in our lives that God is using to refine and test us. Love them in the process of standing up for yourself. I know that’s also not easy….none of this comes naturally to us.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

His peace is priceless and His peace is worth handing our situation over. It is a process that He will help us with once we have the desire to forgive. He alone can soften and strengthen our hearts after what they’ve been through. Once our desire is to forgive, He will take the reins. Let Him have them…Forgiveness is the final act of love. Jesus proved that to be true.