He Lit My Fire…

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I didn’t fall in love with Jesus until He touched me when no one else would or could. I grew up in church, went to church camp, went to private church schools, I sang about Him, I was baptized, I prayed. Seeds were planted, but I didn’t fall in love…until then. And, when this shift occurred, I rushed back in to be baptized again. I came out of that water, heart pounding and in tears. This time was different. My heart was awakened to this great love just waiting on me. My fire was lit.

When Jesus reached out and held me in the coldest and hardest (thus far) time in my life, I fell. And, I fell hard. It was THEN that I knew He was my Rescuer, the Greatest Love of my life. If I had known before, I wouldn’t have been in that spot to begin with. But, I didn’t. So…..that moment of greatest pain turned into my moment of greatest love. He was there for me. Turns out, always had been. I just didn’t know what was missing.

Since falling head over heels for the One who died for me, I look for Him in others. I know now that a heart for Jesus is the safest heart. It would take a fierce love for our Savior to spark and trust again. It would take someone else who has been broken. Someone who gets it. Someone willing to go there for himself and for me. Someone with a similar desire to love again, anyway, and regardless. And, we all know that’s hard.

In the man I’m with now, this is what attracts me the most. We’ve both been broken in half. We’ve been up, down, and sideways, but I’ve never questioned his love for Jesus or me. He’s a gospel man.

“So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.  Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples”. John 13:34-35 (NLT)

Over and over I’m blown away be his capacity to love. Me, my kids, his kids, and others, even when it doesn’t seem returned. Tired, stressed, hurt. He loves anyway. And, we all know that’s hard too. This brings us back together and lights the fire over and over.

The fire Jesus lit in me is what, I firmly believe, will light my fire until the day it goes out on this earth.

Sounds strange to say “in love with Jesus”. But, being in love with Him helps me love others better too. It’s His joy and assurance in my heart that brings out the best in me. In all of us. He created us to love us. Embracing that love helps us to spread it like the wildfire that it is.

All consuming, all encompassing, unfailing.

This is the Jesus I want my girls to know. Because if they do, I know now, that they won’t be able to help but fall in love too. So, I just pray for this realization and recognition. The greatest love they will ever know.

He lights my fire.

Amazing Grace

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I think, more often than not, the grace that people are afraid of, is the grace that sets them free. Being scared to be honest, taking off the mask, openly admitting struggles, voicing the bitterness, expressing the misunderstanding. These are all hard and they all take grace.

We tend to think “GRACE” means happy go lucky, peaceful, even “easy”…I know I did. But, now I view “GRACE” as strength, courage, the ability  (only way) to do the “hard thing”. Cheap grace is easy. God’s grace is power.

If we are called to a life of grace, God will allow a lot of pain. How else would it show? Showering those who have hurt us with grace is straight from God and goes against our flesh. When we allow ourselves to admit hurt from others and recognize the need for grace in ourselves, the power of grace is revealed. Showing grace to those who have hurt us, frees us and surprises others in today’s world. Just as I know that I don’t deserve God’s grace, they know they don’t deserve ours. It’s a gift we decide to give. Like God’s grace to us.

If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you. Proverbs 25:21-22 (ESV)

I’m thoroughly convinced that the ONLY way to do this is by grace. Now, that’s power! When you think you’ve been hurt one to many times, when you think you can’t take one more lashing or bloody heart. When the person you never thought would or even could hurt you, does. Because we all fail each other. Remember, the grace of God, is not cheap. It’s the only thing that will heal your heart. Receiving it and sharing it.

Do you need grace? Give it.

I can think back on those I have hurt and I praise God for the grace they’ve shown me after the fact, I knew I needed it and that they didn’t have to give it. But, oh the sweet picture of Jesus we get to see when they do. It’s truly a gift.

Jesus bled and died for us because of His grace towards us. When we run out, He is our never ending source.

That person that comes to mind, that situation that won’t go away, that conversation that scares you, that hidden struggle….May God grant us the GRACE to forgive, release, lean in, and admit. That all takes a supernatural courage and that comes from His power. The power of grace. It truly is amazing.

But I Thought…

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This weekend, Jesus took me to therapy. You know, we can be told something our whole lives and when God brings it front and center, is when it actually sticks.

I’ve been assuming the worst in people…That they don’t care, that they don’t want to help, that they don’t like me, that they don’t approve of me, that they blame me, that they just wish I weren’t there, including the people I love.

Isn’t that a sad state of mind? To assume people are mad or upset before you even know if they are? Why not assume people are fine with you. People are busy with their own lives. That people don’t/can’t know your issue if you haven’t shared it, that they want what’s best for you, that they have their own issues going on, that they are happy when you are, and sad when you are. That their hearts beat in sincerity and compassion. This not only lightens your load, but takes the unnecessary pressure off of them too.

I was also reminded that “how we view people (for the better or for the worse) also shows how we view ourselves.” So, that must mean I’m assuming the worst about myself. How sad! Assuming the worst in people and ourselves is not loving others or ourselves. It’s exactly what the devil wants to cause division before a conflict has even taken place. What an evil trick on his part!

How about we lean on the Lord for strength, wisdom, understanding and start trusting that in ourselves? How about we make decisions based on our worth in Him and lean into the joy and confidence that goes a long with that? He is ever present in our lives and He bestows wisdom when asked.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5 (NIV)

You know what they say happens when we assume?

Image result for what happens when you assume?

How about we assume the best, then when someone has a problem, it can be dealt with appropriately when it arises. This seems simple, but it prevents me from assuming there are a lot more problems than necessary to address and tend to. Let’s take them as they come, not as we assume they are.

Let’s love others by assuming the best about them and love ourselves by thinking the best of ourselves. It’s in people’s weaknesses and frustrations that they need love the most, it’s the same with ourselves. We need to love ourselves through a hard day, the hard stuff. Consider God’s open arms of grace when we blow it. Because we need love too. We all do.

He is BIGGER…

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Jesus is bigger. He’s bigger than the church pew you just sat in. He’s bigger than the separation with our kids. He’s bigger than the guilt we carry.

He’s bigger than your divorce. He’s bigger than the sermon you just listened to. He’s bigger than the quote you just shared. He’s bigger than the diagnosis you just received. He’s bigger than differences in theology. He’s bigger than the school you attend. He’s bigger than our mistakes.

He’s bigger than the foods we eat. He’s bigger than the feelings we have. He’s bigger than the words that we write or say. He’s bigger than our intentions. He’s bigger than our fears. He’s bigger than the devil.

Claiming the Name of Jesus is the biggest thing we can do and best choice we can make. When we are overcome with joy, in the depths of despair, when sadness washes over us, when misunderstandings run rampant. Claim His Name.

If there’s TWO things I pray my girls see and remember in me, it’s the grace and love of Jesus. What more can I give?

More of You, Jesus. Less of me.

For YOU know better than I….

 

When Something’s Gotta Go..

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I’ve been in what feels like one of the most overwhelming times of my life. Some I can share with, others I can not. I know who to safely unload with and who would rather not hear it any more. Do you have those people? The ones who get a glazed over look in their eyes, like “here we go again”. Stop with those people. Love, but don’t share. They are done with hearing it.

Take it to God, find a good friend who never gets tired of you. Unload and reboot. When schedules are crazy, relationships are strained, kids are going back and forth, and work pressure is on, something’s gotta give…

I had one friend remind me that anxiety gets the best of us when we are taking on too much in advance. The “what ifs”?? “What about whens”? I have them. And, I was wisely reminded to take this day, our daily bread. One day at a time. We can’t change the past or “fix” the future, only live in this day. So, that’s where I’m starting. With today.

Today, I miss my girls. I already feel like I miss half their lives being a working and divorced mom, but last week my oldest was away at school and I haven’t seen her since. I cherish my time with them, yet when I get them back, they are tired, grouchy, hungry, annoyed with each other. Sounds like a pleasant time, huh? Still…I miss them.

When the pressure cooker of life is whistling like a freight train, we can’t throw our hands up and quit. Even “quitting” won’t fix certain things. For me, what’s gotta go is my concern of what others think of me. Add that like a cherry on top of our already stressful lives, and it’s bound to come tumbling down. Or I am, in a heap.

So, that’s what the Lord is leading me to today. “Take it out of the equation, Darla, because that’s the ingredient that will do you in.” Just like everything else He’s asked of me, I cannot do it on my own, He’s gonna have to help me. And, because I know He’s a loving Father, I will depend on Him to. I have reached my limit Lord, take it from me.

Something’s gotta go..

 

Why??

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Even Jesus asked “Why.” He already knew the answer. He knew what He was doing. He knew what His Father was doing. He knew the job He came to accomplish. But, in His humanness and despair, He cried out..”Why?” Can you relate? Obviously, so can He.

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, WHY have you forsaken me?”). Matthew 27:46 (NIV)

Jesus knew His purpose. By the time he was twelve, He was “about His father’s business.” (Luke 2:49) He pleaded for the cup to pass the night before, if it all possible, but went forward all knowing, all merciful, and all powerful for the “joy set before Him” (Hebrews 12:2). Joy? He wasn’t looking forward to it. He dreaded it, but the outcome was His joy and His why.

He knew that He would be the ultimate sacrifice. Our ultimate sacrifice. He endured and allowed the emotional pain and physical agony of the cross, for us. “Us” being His joy. We are why He did what He did. Being with us forever was worth it to Him to take on every sin, abandonment from His Father, be beaten, spat on, made fun of, and killed a tortuous death. He was forsaken so that we never would be. He took the hit. The pain of the forsaking (separation) ultimately pushed out the question. He could no longer contain it, even though He knew it. Even Jesus with a “Why, Lord?!”

If He did this for us, He should be our joy. Then and now, we are still His. We should relish in His love for us. Accept His forgiveness. Lean on Him in our trials and praise Him for His presence. Share His life and sacrifice with others. Point others to Him when hurt by church people, work people, family people, people. People proclaiming His name sometimes cause the most hurt. That’s not Him, that’s them.

So, when we ask “Why”, let us remember that even our Savior did. He cried out “Why” to a question He already knew. In His pain and literal darkness, He cried out “Why?”

He was sinless, so we are not wrong to ask this question. We are humans with many questions. May our “whys” be followed with a remembrance that it is also finished. After His why, He also cried this out. “It is finished” and died. All of our questions will one day be wrapped up in Him. He is the answer.

He did not come to hurt, condemn, or look down on people. He came to speak and live truth, teach, heal, be an example of God’s love, die, be raised again, and claim the victory….for us.

May our “whys” point to Him. May we point others with “whys” to Him. May, our “I just don’t know, but one day we wills” be a source of hope and point to the One who cried out the same exact question knowing full well the answer. The answer to His “why” was why He did it. We are His why.

May we always remember that Jesus comes to us in our hurts and empathizes with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). He also knows suffering personally. His “why” was proof of that. It was in His worse suffering that even He asked the question we so often do and our ultimate sacrifice made complete because of it.

You are not alone.

 

 

Because He Died For Me…

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Because He died for me, I will live for Him. I have placed Him into each and every hurt I have…May my story, my life, reflect Him. May the difficulties with relationships, misunderstandings, child sharing, child raising, financial issues, family issues, point to Him in my life.

May I never be a stumbling block, but an example of a heart willing to do anything for Jesus, because of what He did for me. May people look back one day and think “I know she loved Jesus” and may everything else fall to the wayside.

May the tears we shed reflect hearts that hurt, not hearts that want to hurt others. May the chaos fade and the coasts clear. May my girls and friends and family know that peace and love is all I’ve ever wanted to give.

May I lift up His cross every day of my life.

Oh, how He loves you and me, Oh how He loves you and me. He gave his life, what more could he give?
Oh, how He loves you; Oh, how he loves me; Oh, how he loves you and me.

Signed, Sealed, Delivered…

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God builds us up to send us out.

It’s only in the stories that hurt that we can experience His comfort. Have you ever listened to someone share their story and think “How on earth could someone have to go through that much on this earth”? These are the stories that glorify Him most. Because, “if THEY can lean into God through THAT, surely I should be able to.” He comforts us to send us out and comfort others.

He corrects, teaches, and shares wisdom for our own healing and then to share with our children and others. May we learn something from others so that we don’t have to experience everything first hand.

It’s the hard stuff in our lives that is most likely to impart wisdom or recklessness. Anger can wreak havoc on our lives and loved ones. Are you asking for strength, His power to forgive, wisdom?

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. James 1:5 (NIV)

That’s a promise! It WILL be given to you.

When we feel the full expression of God’s forgiveness for ourselves, we can’t help but offer it to others. When He corrects us, someone else needs to hear.  When He changes our desires, it’s to align us with His will.  When we choose to love anyway and in spite of, it’s because of Him. If it’s HIS love that helped you, it’s HIS love you will share.

God builds us up to send us out.

The way He has worked in your life, the courage He has summoned in you, the ways He has renewed your mind, the healing from that specific brokenness, the relationships He has replaced, the hearts you can touch, all come from your specific story. Each one of ours is different and I would LOVE to hear yours…

He meets us right where we are so that we can assure the next person that He will too. Our God LONGS for us.

He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. 2 Corinthians 1:4 (MSG)

In each of your hard places, God has a special purpose. When our faith is tested, it is also strengthened. And, it is strengthened for a reason. Through Christ, we could be used to break a generational cycle, reach others across the globe, touch a heart across the cubicle or our own table, raise a warrior for Christ…all and only through Him. (Philippians 4:13) Who knows how He’ll use you?  That’s part of the adventure. No matter what, giving Him the glory, regardless of the outcome, turns our ashes to beauty.

He doesn’t need us to accomplish His plan, but what an honor to be used in any way, shape, or form for His purposes. This is His desire for us. To turn our lives into living testimonies. Your story may seem too ugly to share, but check your return address…There’s a place with your name on it.

There are many rooms in my Father’s house, and I am going to prepare a place for you. I would not tell you this if it were not so. And after I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to myself, so that you will be where I am. John 14:2-3 (GNT)

Signed with the blood of Jesus, Sealed with His love, and Delivered into His arms…

The Day I Almost Quit

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This is a post about when I wrote my sign off and rather than sharing it, I saved it. This is the day I almost quit…..

“Today, I ran out of words. May this blog point you to Jesus and open your mind and heart to what He asks of you. May it encourage questions, conversations, and a thirst for the entire Word of God. May it point to His compassion and grace for all of us.

I’ve quoted Forrest Gump in this blog before, but today I’m sharing this one…”I think I’ll go home now.” If He inspires me to write again, so be it. But, I sense a strong, “You’ve done what I’ve asked you to do. Rest.”

May everything I’ve written show you the journey I’ve walked and desire to continue to.  Peace be with you…”

Since this draft was written, He has inspired me to write again and I’ve been lifted up and encouraged by men and women alike. Even in criticism, God shows His calls and desires for us.

I write for my daughters and other women looking for their significance in this world. Our significance and our worth is found in our Creator and Redeemer. Nothing this world has to offer here can match that.

I can’t wait for that ultimate reunion when all shame, fear, and hurt will be in our eternal past!

So, I will share until that day. Until the day God Himself removes the words. Because, this is my way of reminding myself and pointing others to Him, our Best Friend and Savior. Our Hope and our Teacher. He humbles me and He lifts me up. He keeps me going. This call as Christians, is never done.

I share my stories, but ultimately, this is not about me. It’s about Him. The way I share may change, the format may change, but I pray the content never does. Whether, it’s over coffee with a friend or on my daughter’s bed at night, may the sweet story of Jesus, be the best story ever told in my life. Ever.

And, I can’t wait to hug Him!! Because that means this is all over. The nightly news, the family stuff, the fear in raising kids today, the arguments we can’t get passed, the political strife, the heartache of missing loved ones, the financial strain, cancer, the stuff I write about, all of it. That’s heaven.

As much as I would love to, I can’t fix any of it. But what I can do is write and share about the One who will. The only One who can. We have joy and hope in Jesus! This is not our eternity, He is. We need only choose Him in return. He’s already chosen us. ❤

 

What About Them?

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In Matthew 23, Jesus warns the Pharisees about focusing on rules over the love and mercy of God. How do we treat people? When you reach out in compassion towards someone, anyone…we are treating them as Jesus would. One of my dear friends just hugged and hugged me last night, until the tears flowed….In that moment, she was the arms of Jesus to me.

This post is about how we treat people. How did Jesus treat people? Back then, probably everyone came to church (synagogue) in sandals. But, these days when someone walks into church in  flip flops or torn jeans, how do you feel? Their clothes, hairstyle, or jewelry may displease your eyes, but how’s your heart? Are you glad they’re there? Jesus is. On the flipside, if someone is wearing a suit, do you immediately assume they are looking down on you for not?

What if they smell like smoke? What if they are ashamed? Embarrassed? Guilty? Hurt? Can we be the hands and feet of Jesus? Can we not only make room on our faithful pew, but smile and welcome them? Because, guess what, we all are. They have come to the right place, not the wrong one.

It hurts my heart so badly when I hear the stories of church people against church people or just as much church people against other church people. We are all people. There is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9), so it’s been like this for ages and it will continue to. But, I’d still like to point out that although we will never be Jesus, we can ask Him for help to love and view others as He does.

As a married woman and a single mom, I’ve walked into church countless times alone. I look for friends, but I still usually sit alone, sometimes I slip out the back early. I come for Jesus and fellowship with loving, accepting, warm believers, but I leave before I get it for fear that I won’t. As have many. And some never return because of it…

I’ve been seen with a few different guys at church over the past few years. I’ll be honest, it’s hard and embarrassing. When you’re married and alone, people wonder where your spouse is. When you’re single, they wonder why, when you’re with someone new, they wonder who, why, and how long. And, truth of the matter, even if people aren’t thinking this, we think they are. This is just a personal example. There are so many other concerns that people walk into church with, are self conscious about, or feel different because of. Think about the courage it takes…

This happens everywhere people are because we are just that….people. All churches, at family reunions, in the grocery store, on the highway, at our workplace, on social media, at Christmas dinner….It’s the way Christians (enter your denomination here) treat other people (especially other Christians (enter your denomination here) that turn people away. As much as this hurts my heart, I cannot imagine how much it hurts God’s.

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-45 (ESV)

When we wonder whether or not to reach out, I think we need to remember and focus on how far God reached for us. With arms stretched as far as He possibly could, nailed to that wooden cross, Jesus reached, stretched, gasped, and died for me. Maybe someone else needs this reminder today.

He didn’t just do this for me, He did it for all of you. Everyone. So, my desire is to treat people in this way. All people. Like a person He died for, because He did. Regardless of what your scared to share or who you voted for, whether you’ve served time or should, whether you live on a golf course or in your back seat…Regardless of how you eat, keep the Sabbath, or dress. Regardless of what church you attend or school your kids go to.

May we love like Jesus does. When I die, this is the legacy I would most like to leave.

I pray forgiveness for when I’ve failed, I know that I have. Where does our help come from? Our help comes from the Lord. (Psalm 121:2)